The Year August

It all started with August being declared a complete year within a year by presidential decree.

There was no parliament debate, no Swapo think tank caucus and no pilgrimage to the holy fire.

The president has declared that August would become a year solely because he was born in that month, an epic anomaly.

This month has now become the curse of the Land of the Brave because someone thought they could mess with nature.

Among other things August will be remembered as the year trade unions betrayed government employees.

It is not due to the union representatives' greed or lack of courage.

It's also not because most representatives have been compromised for years, but because the whole thing happened in August.

August is entirely to blame.

I dare you to strike again in September and negotiate a better deal with your employers.

Simply fire your representatives and let their mediocre selves remain in August.

Since August became a 'year', all August babies, particularly those born at Otjivanda, have been proudly boasting their unique birth.

Those born in this year can be identified by their inability to speak any specific language fluently, as they mix it all up like infants learning to speak.

They speak Oshindakwata – a unique dialect.

Many things have changed for the worse, to the detriment of the environment and other humans on the planet.

For example, winter used to extend until the end of August, but now that it is a year, it warms up well before the first half.

Enquire with the Kgobetsis up there in the weather tower.

Another unintended consequence of the new arrangement is that the wind we have grown accustomed to in August has now shifted to other months.

We already had wind gusts in July, making the short, deep winter extremely cold due to the accompanying blizzard.

The remaining wind gusts will not hit us until September.

By the way, does anyone know when spring arrives in Namibia?

Was it not always around September? So why does it stir early in August since the opening of Pandora's Box?

Spring has been pushed into August and will be over by September, when temperatures would already have begun to rise.

By the way, I believe Namibians don't deserve spring, because they never know when it will arrive or depart.

It's one of those things we only see in Jet clothing store commercials.

“This spring, you need a beautiful white dress with red and blue flowers,” an advertisement would scream on NBC TV, and you would know it was spring.

Otherwise, we'd just be marching towards December, oblivious of the change of season.

Speaking of December, I am now hoping for a president born in December.

Such a president would assume special powers again and declare December to be an important 'year' with its own 13th cheque, all the public holidays repeated, and bells and whistles.

Christmas would come twice.

Welcome December, welcome!