Men And Emotions

I need to start by saying that men are not made from steel, rock or the hardest element on the planet.

We are human and we have emotions. We fear, we cry, we have mental breakdowns and go through many other things, like women do.

As a novice writer whose key areas are mainly fashion and style, I want to share my experience as a young black man who, also, goes through emotional challenges.

One of the biggest problems around this area, if not the biggest, is that men have not been accorded a safe space to speak about their challenges. The fear of being judged and mocked among friends, the fear of appearing cowardly to loved ones, and most probably the fear of hearing your problems being spoken of outside your comfort zone are some of many reasons we tend to sit with our problems.

Environments are obviously different for men and while others suffer in silence, there are men who have great support systems. Some have close male friends. As for me, my sister is my go-to person.

Suicide figures from January 2021 to May 2022 indicated a total number of 679 people took their lives, of which 559 were men, 91 women and 29 children.

Why do you think this is? What is the actual cause?

I sincerely believe this rate can be reduced if more men can seek help from those they feel most comfortable around. I would love to advise you to speak to a loved one, but sometimes it is the people we most care about that make us feel even worse about our situations.

Emotions are a process that require one to nurture self before anyone else can even try. Should the self element be failing, then additional assistance always helps. When I speak of “self” it is inclusive of meeting your primary wants and needs. This can be in the form of a night out with the guys, indoor activities such as Netflix, shopping, road trips, fitness, whatever works for you.

Not too long ago, I was at the gym in the steam room, which is not the brightest of rooms in the gym. On this late Sunday afternoon, it was just myself and another gentleman, who clearly had issues at home as he randomly starts talking to me and immediately directs the conversation to that.

Mind you, we met for the first time in the steam room. Here is how that plus-minus10-minute talk went:

Him: “Man! I am so stressed right now.”

Me: “What’s wrong, my man?”

Him: *Vents about his frustrations at home with wife and family, to me, a total stranger.

The moral of this story is that keeping it in and building frustration is not good for you, or for anyone really. Rather get it out, even if it means journaling it and coming back to read that chapter once the situation has improved. It will show you the growth you have made since and give you the conviction that challenges experienced are part of our life journey and we can indeed overcome them.

Reaching out is the starting point, because we are all trying to overcome one or another challenge. No matter the problem you may find yourself in – financial, health, addiction, love or spiritual – men, we can overcome this!

Let us stop pretending to be okay when we are not. Let us reach out and get the consoling support we need.

Remember that our journeys are different. Stick to your lane and be in charge of your pace. Nobody is ahead of you. Stay passionate, do some tender love and care on yourself.

The world needs men, children need fathers, wives need husbands.

The role of men in society is vital!

• Meneer_SK is an advocate for men’s grooming and all matters relating to men. Follow me on Instagram @Meneer_SK