SOE Shenanigans: When Leaders Won’t Act

In this savanna landscape, where a government driver’s fender-bender can lead to a dismissal if it costs the taxpayers a mere N$100 000, it seems the leaders of our country have been taking a nap while state-owned enterprises (SOEs) play havoc like mischievous children in a candy store.

Picture this: A government official accidentally scraped the side mirror of a government car against a lamp post after one litre of Jabula, and suddenly, they’re jobless.

Yet, a whole board of directors at a state-owned enterprise can make a decision that would make even a preschooler question their sanity, costing the government a whopping N$2 billion, and what happens? They casually stroll into the government’s office, cap in hand, asking for a bailout as if they lost their school break money for vetkoek.

It’s a strange world we live in when losing one cow at a cattle post leads to being disowned by your clan, but an entire board, filled with highly educated individuals, a chief executive, a company secretary and staff adorned with degrees, continues to receive hefty salaries while steering a multimillion-dollar ship straight into the iceberg.

“Hano, have we seen anyone at SOEs being held accountable over their fiduciary responsibility, or are they gods in those offices while the taxpayers must just foot the bill and go to bed hungry?” I asked my friend over a cup of tea.

“Maybe we should send them to a parenting class, at least they’d learn how to handle money responsibly,” he responded with a chuckle.

Now, if the government decides to withhold a bailout from Namcor, the oil company in shambles, keeping the current board, executives, and even the janitors in place would be like letting a toddler finish off the last slice of chocolate cake – messy, disastrous and leaving everyone with a stomach ache. I’m not suggesting we line them up in front of a firing squad, but seriously, why not?

“But it’s not that simple,” the powerful would say.

“It must be left to systems and processes,” they would declare, as if those elusive entities weren’t playing hide and seek with them.

The truth is, these systems and processes are about as real as a unicorn in the Namib Desert – elusive and mythical.

How do we solve this problem, you ask? Well, I remember suggesting once that every board of directors should include a totally uneducated person, just to balance out the brainpower.

I mean, the educated ones are clearly failing at the task, so why not throw in someone who hasn’t seen the inside of a university lecture hall?

Of course, my suggestion was met with the same enthusiasm as a cat meeting a bathtub – lots of hissing and no desire to get wet.

In fact, if we did include an uneducated member in the boardroom, this person may be the one to question why they are pouring money into projects that are as useful as a screen door on a submarine.

“Why are we building a bridge in a desert, instead of building the river first?” they may ask, cutting through the educated banter like a hot knife through butter.

I don’t seem to understand why normal people get fired for doing stupid things, but top government employees, SOE directors and executives seem to have ironclad contracts till their deaths.

The thing is, accountability seems to be a rare breed in the offices of these SOEs.

It’s like asking a cat to fetch a stick – it’s just not in their nature.

Even dogs, known for fetching, sometimes just don’t fetch, but here we are.

So, perhaps it’s time to take a leaf out of the parenting book and introduce a reward system. As Mr Kahili would put it: “The mess-up, the go!”

I suggest that if the board manages to keep the company afloat and actually turn a profit, they should get a favourable mention at the year-end function.

But if they put one foot wrong, we should cut the foot off and the chief executive could also go run those board members’ households, since they like each other so much.

As I sit here, sipping my cup of coffee and contemplating the state of affairs, I can’t help but wonder if the leaders are aware of the chaos ensuing while they indulge in some afternoon cognac.

Maybe we should send them a memo, written in crayon, highlighting the mess that needs immediate attention.

After all, if crayons can’t get their attention, I don’t know what will make these kids focus.

In conclusion, as the SOEs continue their misadventures, it’s high time we inject some sanity into the proceedings.

Whether it’s through unconventional board members, reward systems or memos in crayon, something needs to change.

Because at the end of the day, we can’t have our leaders snoozing while the SOEs wreak havoc like a group of toddlers in Shoprite’s plastic toy isles.