From Enduring Pain to Living in Hope

While enduring health challenges and living with chronic illness can undoubtedly cause much stress, Wilika Frai details her challenging life experiences with a sense of acceptance and hope.

In her book, ‘Scarred, Not Broken’, Frai urges her readers not to wake up moody when they have everything they desire in life and don’t have to endure living in pain daily.

This type of wisdom has been hard earned as Frai battled various health issues throughout her life, such as severe headaches, painful endometriosis, recurring blood clots, difficulty breathing, a weakened heart and brain surgery.

She writes about how she has lost track of the number of times she has seen the inside of a hospital, even travelling to South Africa, America and England for treatment.

“I was inspired to write ‘Scarred, Not Broken’ to share my journey of resilience and strength in the face of chronic illness,” she says.

Her experiences taught her valuable lessons about the power of faith, perseverance and the human spirit.

“My hope was to produce a book that could offer encouragement and hope to others facing similar struggles, showing them that despite the scars – both physical and emotional – they are not broken,” she says.

Frai’s story begins during the colonial era in Windhoek in 1969, where she was born and raised at Katutura as part of a humble but loving family.

As a child of a street vendor, Frai says her family was often treated poorly, ignored and even ridiculed. “We endured mistreatment and were disregarded, even though our struggles were significant. In a society that overlooked the plight of the poor on the streets, our experiences and lives remained largely unnoticed.”

Her early years seem to have cemented Frai’s sense of perseverance and resilience, which would go on to be the key to navigating the countless challenges to come.

In 1994, Frai was diagnosed with endometriosis, a painful condition in which tissue similar to the lining of the uterus grows outside the womb. She underwent surgery and struggled to understand the disease and endure the excruciating pain it caused her.

This impacted the quality of her life for many years. She shares how much of her struggle was kept secret, even from her husband, as the agony she experienced during sex was particularly intense.

Frai sheds light on her struggles with infertility as a young wife, which saw her and her husband waiting 11 long years to have their first child, as well as the accompanying gossip, hurtful jokes and humiliating innuendo.

“It’s unfortunate that some women lack empathy, especially when others face difficulty conceiving after getting married,” she writes.

“Women should support and respect each other, understanding the pain and loneliness this kind of situation can cause.”

Adding to her challenging situation was the joy of finally becoming pregnant in 1998, only to miscarry five months later.

Frai dealt with the sad loss with patience and hope. “I was determined to bring a child into this world, no matter how challenging the journey,” she writes.

Four years later, in 2002, Frai got pregnant again, and although she and her husband met this pregnancy with caution, they were excited.

Despite it being a vulnerable time and even being put on bed rest for a few weeks, with the unwavering support of her husband and the guidance of medical personnel, Frai gave birth to a bouncing baby boy later that year.

“It was a moment of sheer happiness,” she writes.

Two years later, thinking she simply had the flu, Frai found out she was pregnant with her second child.

“They say good things come to those who wait, and indeed we had patiently waited. Our family was growing, and the joy we felt was immeasurable.”

This part of her journey taught her that even in the face of doubt and uncertainty, the most cherished dreams can become a beautiful reality, she writes.

STAYING STRONG

However, her health problems were far from over. Frai says dealing with endometriosis was one of the most challenging aspects of her journey.

“It often left me physically weakened and made it difficult to maintain a normal work routine.”

However, she found the strength and determination to keep going by prioritising self-care, seeking medical treatment and relying on a strong support system.

“There were times when I had to step back and allow myself to rest, but I always kept my long-term goals in mind, which helped me push through even on the toughest days.”

These goals included her studies in human resource management, which saw her earning an honours degree from the University of South Africa in 2018.

Nine years after the birth of her first child, Frai suffered complications caused by the medication she was taking for endometriosis.

She ended up in an intensive care unit for more than two weeks, which was followed by an extended two-and-a-half-month stay in hospital due to blood clots.

She was diagnosed with chronic pulmonary hypertension, and X-rays further showed she had an enlarged heart.

“Mentally, it was a battle, but I leaned heavily on my faith, the support of my family, and my determination to overcome these challenges. Writing in a journal, meditating on scripture, and staying connected with loved ones helped me stay strong. It wasn’t easy, but I kept reminding myself that I was fighting for my life and the future I wanted to live,” says Frai.

Writing ‘Scarred, Not Broken’ proved to be both cathartic and challenging for Frai. She says it forced her to confront painful memories and emotions that she had buried over the years.

“It also gave me a sense of release and healing […] Through writing, I found a way to make sense of my scars and transform them into a source of strength.”

Frai hopes readers realise that no matter how tough life gets, there is always hope.

“We are much stronger than we often realise, and even in the darkest moments, we can find light and keep moving forward. Life’s challenges may leave us scarred, but those scars are a testament to our survival and strength.

“My story is about finding that inner strength and holding on to it, no matter what.”

‘Scarred, Not Broken’ is available countrywide at N$200 per copy. Contact Frai at 085 127 4445 or 081 127 4415 to get one.