South Africans are just the most disloyal. It’s sickening!

My darling Juju, my dearest fighter, my fellow cosplay enthusiast, I trust this email finds you well and bathed in the warmth of love and loyalty; even as recent events have revealed that those we once considered brothers and sisters have been anything but. They lunched and feasted at your banquet, filling their bellies; yet at dusk they gathered in secret and sharpened their armaments, as they plotted and embarked on that night of the longest spears, each pointed at your back. 

I must apologise for my silence over the past few years. You’ll recall that I last wrote to you in 2021 to enquire about the flavour of tea you drank with Papa Zuma during your tea visit to Nkandla on Friday, 5 Feb 2021. You didn’t respond to my letter, but I completely understand. You were a busy man then, 2021 was a big year for you. You led a party that was on the up and up, and you did so well. By November that year the EFF ate; your party was the only one of the top three to grow its share of the vote during the municipal elections, while Cyril and John shared a humble pie starter. 

I thought then, as I’m sure you also did, there’d be no harm in visiting – and therefore validating – the ageing disgraced Nkandla patriarch. In hindsight, we were but little boys in little red overalls cosplaying as labourers, thinking that we were checking in on our estranged loser grandpa out in the Nkandlaean woods, never for a moment suspecting that we’d find a hungry wolf ready to eat us up, slowly. 

That said, I must admit that I’m not exactly surprised. Just between you and me, I’ve always known that South Africans are not exactly what one might call a loyal bunch. 

The average Southa prefers to build their biceps and triceps by throwing their dearest under the nearest bus. Think about it, what do Mpofu, Shivambu, Manyi and Mkhwebane have in common? They’re all South Africans! 

Remember back on 15 August, when our sister Busiswe Mkhwebane made an absolute national fool of you; when she posted that picture of y’all in your little red costumes, and wrote that “Rumours by SABC news about me leaving @EFFSouthAfrica are fake news. I will never betray the fighters, my political home”. 

I revisited that post today and took another look at the picture. Furthest to your right, Shivambu poses with his tongue literally lodged in his cheek, while he holds his right hand behind his back, no doubt hiding the very spear that would soon call your rhomboids home. 

To your far left, Mpofu brandishes a smile as polished as the spear he’d been hiding for two years, knowing full well, as he would later write: “in the last period of almost 2 years, I have been part of the conceptualisation, formation, announcement and protection, if not the very continued existence of uMkhonto Wesizwe [MK]… I can reveal that for the best part of the 12 months period between January and December 2023 we held a series of important two-person engagements, which were later expanded to a very limited number of other leaders and persons. These underground meetings took place in the provinces of KwaZulu-Natal and later on in Gauteng. The KZN meetings started in the second half of 2023 with people like Ace Magashule and some of the ‘administrators’ who had been delegated to register the MK party.” 

What a dumbass child and political juvenile all these cosplayers must have thought you were, and probably still think you are. 

Right there next to you, enjoying the warmth of your naive embrace, the most reptilian of all, the very @AdvBMkhwebane behind this most deceitful post, flashed her brightest smile to reassure us, and you, that she would as she says, “never betray the fighters, my political home”.  

Exactly two months later on 16 October, she would post that she was quitting EFF to spend time with her family and to “rest”. 

What a proper little moron she must have thought you were, and what an epiphanic rest it must have been, as just nine days later on 25 October, she too unsheathed her spear and lodged it in whatever empty space still remained on your back, as she joined the MK. F***ing South Africans I tell ya! 

I imagine this lot are now sitting around a firepool in Nkandla, not a red costume in sight, enjoying tea without you, perhaps rewatching that clip of you proclaiming that you’d kill for Zuma and bursting out in laughter each time! “It just never gets old!” Manyi says, as he hits the replay button. 

Then, when they’re too exhausted to laugh, they probably reminisce about what an easy mark you were, to have fallen even for Mkhwebane’s con. Even Matamela the Gullible didn’t fall for that one’s tricks. 

Askies man Juju, at least you still have Ndlozi. For now. – DM