A Festival of Incompetence

In Namibia, defending incompetence and mediocrity has evolved from an occasional lapse into a cultural trademark we now wear with misplaced pride. At this point, nobody dares call out the flop of another because, well, tomorrow it may be you.

The recent elections presented us all with the ultimate masterclass in ‘how not to’. In an impressive display of mismanagement, the Electoral Commission of Namibia (ECN) printed more than three million ballot papers for just 1.4 million registered voters – and somehow still managed to run out at polling stations.

This isn’t just a fumble; it’s a spectacular failure.

But let’s not be too harsh. The ECN is just one chapter in Namibia’s great book of ‘Oops!’.

We’ve normalised incompetence so widely that it should get a place on the national flag. The white part? No, my friend, it doesn’t represent peace anymore. The white is now the proud symbol of our undying love for mediocrity. Let’s break it down with two completely made-up, yet painfully relatable scenarios of failure that still pale in comparison to ECN’s legendary stumble.

Scenario 1: The Disaster That Was Namibia’s First Moon Mission

Picture this: Namibia finally decides to join the space race in 2030. The nation is buzzing with pride as the Namibia Aeronautics Agency unveils ‘The Eagle of Etotha’ – a spacecraft built to land on the moon. On launch day, the rocket stands tall on the launchpad in the desert close to Arandis. (Arandis? Because, why not?)

The countdown begins. Omurongo… Omuviu… BOOM! The rocket erupts into a spectacular cloud of dust and recycled copper wire, thanks to a dead old car battery powering its ignition – a blunder straight out of a bad sitcom.

As the nation reels in shock, the agency head shrugs and says, “Og, aye, it was a human factor. Next time, we’ll just use a generator.” As if there is a guaranteed next time.

Then the NBC interviews members of the public, and one comments, “Mbuae, these things happen. But it’s OK; I know the chief; he has a good heart.”

Yet even this epic flop doesn’t top ECN’s election-day performance in 2024. At least with the moon mission, it was just the ignition failure. The ECN managed to fail in multiple dimensions: logistics, maths and common sense.

Scenario 2: The Namibian Olympic Team That Forgot Their Running Shoes

Fast forward to the 2028 Olympics in South Africa, if ever. Namibia sends its largest-ever delegation on 10 Namib Contract Haulage buses. The athletes drawn from all regions are ready to make history. The sprinters are favourites to bring home gold. On race day, the team shows up at the stadium, only for disaster to strike: The running shoes were in the black bag that was left at the Athletics Namibia offices. Kama, “we thought the bus driver loaded it”. Not one pair in sight.

As the announcers call their names, the team huddles on the sidelines, debating whether to run barefoot or borrow shoes from the Kenyan competitors. An official huddles them together and says, “We are the Land of the Brave; we can run barefoot like our forefathers in exile.”

Ja, neh?

While the Olympic fiasco would undoubtedly go down in history as a national embarrassment, it still doesn’t match the ECN’s ballot-paper debacle. At least the Olympic athletes showed up with something – their legs. Meanwhile, voters were left staring at empty polling booths, wondering if democracy had gone out for lunch.

Etse, where were the ballot papers? Why print them and not get them closer to where they were needed? By the way, where are those expensive papers right now? We can use Tipp-Ex, edit and sell them to another sh*thole country for their elections.

THE CULTURE OF EXCUSES

We are the Land of the Brave. We call it brave when a person enters a burning hut without fire-retardant gear, even when the gear is right there in the fire truck.

Here’s where it gets interesting, or depressing, depending on your perspective: Every time such incompetence rears its head, Namibians revert to default mode: Excuse, justify, laugh it off.

“At least they tried,” we say, chuckling while standing in lines that stretch longer than Namibia’s coastline. But let’s be honest: if “trying” was good enough, we’d all be wearing medals for simply waking up.

Excuses have become our national anthem. “The system overheated” is apparently a valid explanation for electronic failures at the height of the Namibian summer. Come on! We all knew it was hot and would get hotter! Could we not think ahead and employ more young people to spray cold mist over the devices to cool them down? Or something, for heaven’s sake.

RECLAIMING EXCELLENCE

If Uganda’s presenter Simon Kaggwa Njala of the “Why are you geh?” fame was in Namibia at those ECN briefings, his first question would be, “Where is your resignation letter?” or “Why are you stupid?”

Jokes aside, we deserve better. Namibia is a nation with vast potential, yet we’re held back by a tolerance for mediocrity disguised as resilience.

The ECN’s blunder isn’t just about missing ballot papers or democracy. It’s a reflection of a deeper issue: the normalisation of incompetence in every sphere, from public institutions to personal relationships.

Mediocrity isn’t patriotism; it’s laziness and stupidity dressed up as loyalty.