Hostage Situation: Mothers share their children’s drug addiction nightmare

Mothers of troubled youth at Walvis Bay say they are caught in a hostage-like situation in which they constantly worry about their children.

This is as the town has made headlines over recent years for the high rate of substance abuse, suicides and teenage pregnancies.

Despite youth campaigns, as well as visits to schools and churches by law enforcement officers, social workers and anti-drug groups, the situation seems to be getting worse.

*Paulina calls The Namibian’s journalist at the town, and in a shaky voice says she’s sitting with a copy of the newspaper in her hands.

“I was reading your article, ‘The dark world of drug addiction’, perhaps I can find a solution from the people that you wrote about… My daughter has become a drug addict overnight. Maybe they can tell me how I can get my daughter back.”

Paulina has sought help everywhere, but the situation keeps deteriorating, she says.

“I would not wish this on my enemy.”

Paulina says it’s really difficult to understand how this is the same child she raised with so much love.

“I do not know how it started. I lie awake at night wondering where she is, because she stays away from home for days. She has become a mother of two in the process, and I have to take care of the innocent children.”

Paulina explains how discovering her 19-year-old daughter’s drug habit last year has caused her to sink into depression.

She says she can’t concentrate on her work as a domestic worker.

“Many thoughts are running through my mind during the day. Where did it all go wrong? Is she at home? Is she gone? When will she return this time? Will she return? Where is she?

“Last week, she disappeared for three days, and returned looking very dirty. I was crying and asking her why she is doing this to herself and her children. As usual, she just looked at me with a confused expression on her face,” Paulina cries.

AN UNENDING NIGHTMARE

Another mother, *Bobsie, shares the shocking moment she was anonymously alerted to the illegal activities taking place in her very own home.

Knowing her 17-year old son’s quiet and polite nature, she refused to believe it, until she searched his room while he was at school.

She discovered a plastic bag filled with drugs, sparking the beginning of a seemingly unending nightmare.

“I never noticed any odd behaviour. We were happy in our house. I waited for him to explain… No one could prepare me for his confession. My son was dealing [drugs] right under my roof, and I never suspected it. I figured out why he was on his phone frequently. Young people were ordering [drugs]. My house that was being visited by friends, not because he was popular or for his friendliness.”

Bobsie blames herself. She can’t help questioning what went wrong, even though everybody says she is a good mother.

“I thought we were fine. We have a good relationship in the house.

“I am currently on medication because I can’t accept it. He begged for forgiveness and said he was not smoking, and that he stopped selling, but I do not know what to believe because he still has the same innocent attitude,” she says.

Jenniffer Rodkin is in the midst of an ongoing battle with her two sons, aged 30 and 28, who started experimenting with drugs when they were teenagers.

“Things would go missing from my house every day. They sold everything, even my clothes and bedding. I found out later that they were using drugs. How does a single mother deal with that? I tried to find help from rehabilitation centres in the country, which costs a lot of money, without success.

“As a single mother, I could not cover the costs. Someone introduced me to a community educator, Hubert Mukosho, who helped to talk to my boys and also introduced us to prayer.”

Rodkin says it was good to receive some help from a man, and her boys opened up to him easily.

The journey to recovery, however, is not easy, as it also needs willingness from the victim to change.

“They tried. It went well for a while, but they kept relapsing, even though I saw the effort. We are still trying. They live on their own now, and I keep praying for them. I have hope that it will end.

“I love my boys so much that I often had to withdraw theft cases at the police station. I later realised that I was pushing them deeper into the problem. I eventually continued with the case. It hurt to see them sentenced, but I had to continue. I advise parents to support their children, but make cases at the police when they steal. They can clean out your house because they know that you are a mom. It is not fair to be held hostage, though,” she says.

NO ALTERNATIVE

*Pieta (25), who sells drugs, says he has been in and out of prison several times and finds it difficult to move away from how he makes his money.

“I lost my parents at the age of 12. Everybody also disappeared when they died. What alternative does a boy have if all family members disappear? Do you think I want to sell drugs to innocent people, especially children? I have to make a living, and nobody is giving me an opportunity to get a job or an education.

“I hear you when you beg me to stop, but how will I live when I stop? There are times that I tried to stop, and I searched for jobs but society does not trust an ex-offender. They judge me and refuse to employ me? I tried…” he says.

Police community officer Linwill van Wyk (36), who has overcome substance addition, says both his parents struggled with addition.

Van Wyk is a wheelchair user following an accident he was involved in while under the influence of drugs.

“I still continued [taking drugs], even after ending up in the wheelchair. Family members talked to me. I heard them, but I was just feeling judged. I was trying but I could not stop. Once you try it, you cannot get off [drugs] on your own. Parents exhaust all avenues, but to no avail.

“Sometimes addiction is not the problem, but the solution. People get addicted in order to solve their problems. We need to focus on the root problem. People have different root problems. They include growing up without fathers. A man is very important in the life of a child.

“Most parents even raise their children with godly values, but the enemy is still out there. We should not just give up on them. We can all come together in various ways, including prayer, counselling, rehabilitation and patience, among others.”

Van Wyk says pastors and counsellors helped him deal with the root causes that led to his addiction, including being raped from the age of three, raised by alcoholic parents, facing hunger, physical abuse and losing his mother at the age of 13, as well as his father abandoning him.

He says he was introduced to prayer and attributes his recovery to Jesus.

He advises parents to look for early signs of substance abuse around the house and not to allow their children too much freedom.

“I was drawn to music that speaks about violence, which further sparked the habit. I would hear voices and follow them to dangerous spots in the middle of the night. Be careful what your children are listening to, as today’s music is demonic. This is not just music. It goes together with drugs. Remember that the mind is influenced easily,” he says.

CLOSELY MONITOR YOUR CHILDREN

Lindsey Ackerman is an expert in counselling and rehabilitation, after recovering from drug addiction 23 years ago.

“I was very successful in life. Although hanging out with drug users, I did not use drugs. I was, however, offered crack cocaine at the age of 36. The minute I used it, I felt happy and full of self control.

“I ended up in a rehabilitation centre, and have since decided to help others. It’s so easy for [children] to be pulled in. Nowadays, they get 5 litres of cough syrup, which they drink, with Sprite. There is a place selling liquid marijuana that is used to vape. They are involved in drug trafficking out of desperation because it is big money. Children are offered drugs by dealers after school for free and then become runners at school,” she says.

Ackerman says parents are partly to be blamed.

“Nannies are replaced by PlayStations, N$20 000 cellphones [are given to children at the age of] 13, and things that make parents look cool. We do not sit at tables together and we do not pray together anymore. Children are out on the street at night,” she says of some of the causes of substance abuse.

Ackerman advises parents to closely monitor their children for changes in their behaviour.

“Focus on changes in their school results. Look at their sleeping patterns. Look for small pieces of plastic or straws in their rooms. Every year around December there is a hit song that comes out with a new drug, usually from South Africa. This December there is a new song, and it is already popular. Monitor their cellphones. You will notice small things like earrings disappearing, before they turn into big items,” she says.

Ackerman calls for portions of land to be designated for rehabilitation programmes for young people.

“There they will have to get involved in a trade, get rehabilitated and then be sent back to school. There are people who will never be rehabilitated because they do not have medical aid. Use us who have experience and expertise, as we know the underlying problems. I am out at night in places like Dolam, Centaurus, Khomasdal and under bridges.

As the holiday season gears up, for some parents it brings nothing but panic, as young people are left with more free time on their hands.

“We are approaching things in the wrong ways,” says Ackerman.

“I want to assist parents in this fight. I also lost my daughter to suicide last year and I never understood suicide until then. Our children are dealing with a lot,” she adds.

At a community meeting in August, Erongo police commander Nikolaus Kupembona expressed concern about the crime situation at the town.

“Nowadays, you will find young children from the age of nine, and some school-leavers, grabbing phones and bags. It is worrying. The police have achieved some success, including confiscating drugs worth N$385 777 between January and July 2023, with 151 people arrested.

“This year, drugs to the value of about N$2.1 million have been confiscated, with 134 people arrested,” he said.

• Not their real names due to fear of stigmatisation.