A Nation of Copycats

A long time ago, in junior secondary school, I had a classmate who copied everything from me, to the point that he failed a grade. Well, it turns out he even copied my name in one history exam.

I grew up teasing Mathias until recently, when I realised copying is a Namibian phenomenon that is not specific to my ex-classmate. Here everybody copies everything – fashion, crimes, politics, business and everyday life activities.

A Nation of Copycats

It’s like Namibians have a collective case of identity crisis. We’re so focused on imitating others that we’ve forgotten to develop our unique culture and identity. Now it’s time to stop the copying and start creating.

Do you remember when everyone in Windhoek was suddenly obsessed with wearing skinny jeans, even though most of us had legs as crooked as the Ugab River? We copied Angolans who couldn’t find clothes that fit them at the church where they collected old clothes. And we thought it was fashion. Yesu!

And let’s not forget the brief but intense phase when everyone tried to speak English with a British accent, complete with ‘bloody’, ‘cheerio’ and ‘innit’.

Then came African films from Ghana and Nigeria, and everybody started sounding like a goat stuck in an oil drum.

But it’s not just about fashion and language. Namibians are also experts at copying trends in music, dance and even crime. If one gang starts robbing banks, you can bet there will be a dozen more trying to imitate them.

The Copying of Manners

Even our manners are a product of copying. Watch closely when you see someone holding the door open for someone else in public – you’ll realise they’re probably just trying to impress their friends. And if you hear someone saying please and thank you, it’s probably because they’ve seen it done in a movie or on TV.

Even romance and love languages are being copied out here. The most hilarious is when a girlfriend says “I love you” and expects you to spontaneously reciprocate with “I love you too”. Why can’t they express their love without forcing you to say it right there when you planned to only say it on Valentine’s Day?

Well, it’s probably because they just watched a movie on Netflix.

As soon as they want people to know they are dating, they will go into China Town and buy those matching outfits that make them look like the Teletubbies.

This crap even seeps into the bedroom, where we can’t even make love in our indigenous languages anymore. It’s all “yeah, baby”, “I like that”, “kiss me like you’re eating a watermelon” and other American sounding X-rated dirty talk. Why can’t Namibians make love in romantic languages like Damara or Otjiherero?

The Copying of Food

Even our street food is a product of copying. Try going into a restaurant in Namibia; you’re likely to find a menu filled with dishes from across the world that taste like soaked wood sprinkled with white pepper. From Italian pasta to Chinese stir-fries, Namibians are always on the lookout for the latest food trends that leave them hungrier and more broke. You will hear them on social media saying, “aye, we are tired of pap”.

These over-glorified, overcharging prison kitchens are a culinary death trap. With their strange foods and even stranger names, it’s a wonder anyone survives. Don’t expect to find any traditional Namibian fare like omakondo (beef trotters) or small intestines. It’s like they’re trying to alienate us with their fancy foreign food.

This reminds me of the street markets where 10 memes will all sell the same-sized packages of white beans and dried spinach, year in and year out. Go to Kasi Vibe and everybody will be selling matangara, dry, hard brisket chops and that disgusting thing I ate last week.

The Need for Originality

It’s time for Namibians to stop copying and start creating. We need to develop our own unique culture and identity. And if we are hellbent on copying, why don’t we try copying a sense of pride and patriotism from other countries, too?

I think we should start by coming up with our own dance moves, music and fashion trends. Let’s invent a new dish that’s so delicious, the rest of the world will want to copy it.

And let’s stop copying each other’s manners and start being ourselves. Who knows, maybe one day we’ll be the ones everyone else is trying to copy.