Cloak and Daggers

“Got a secret, can you keep it? Swear this one you’ll save. Better lock it in your pocket. Taking this one to the grave.” So goes a song by The Pierces.

Now, here’s the thing about secrets: We all have them, there’s no denying that.

But some people have this thing where they want everyone to know what their secret is, but like to leave a couple of details out. You know those ka-photos where this person is chilling with (someone’s) bae in a room that looks more dodgy than Ara Bar’s parking lot at night? But the bae’s face is never seen. Nope, either they’re cut out completely or a sticker must be put on their face. If it was a video, it’s those two second ones which you have to play 10 times before you can see who the person is. Ja neh, we know those things and we see you.

Pretend all you want, but at this point in life, people are always going to question you and your love life. Want ons is orig, and you just have to deal with it. It’s like this: If your occupation does not match your lifestyle, the questions will appear.

“Soho, so she works at a bank, maara she’s driving a Be-My-Wife? How, vakwetu?” This is the reality – people are just not happy for you any more. People just don’t want you to live that MK lifestyle any more. You know, that Meriam Kaxuxwena lifestyle where you’re chilling somewhere on the beach, posing on tables and swimming in the ocean in the Maldives, while haters can judge you from far, far away. It’s so funny how we just can’t live. But hey, like I said, we’ve all got secrets, so maybe that’s yours.

All I’m saying is that it’s your life and you’re allowed to live it the way you want to, just be safe about it.

Ah, then there’s the sad news of R Kelly’s show being cancelled. It broke hearts. Because some of you guys had dates planned for that day and you’re not even hiding your pain. I can just imagine all the excuses you guys came up with for that show: Taking out a loan to impress (someone else’s) bae, setting up appointments with your ‘bae’, perfectly executing your cheating strategies… So what’s going to happen now? What’s your excuse? I promise you, this life is the funniest thing ever.

And now, because you lied that you’d be out of town that day, you’ll have to come up with another excuse to make sure that the original lie stays – because bae’s house doesn’t have a room available for you any more since his/her flat mates aren’t going to the R Kelly show either. What a pity – plans ruined. Judging by the reactions, others are simply going to have to find other ways to ‘step in the name of love’.

Anyway, before the topic is completely diverted: Secrets. It’s incredible how people are living double lives. I won’t even lie, I’m in awe of this. In front of your crush, you’re an angel, but behind closed doors, you’re neglecting child maintenance.

In front of the cameras, you’re a loved socialite, but on the other side of the door, you’re super clingy and have a history of being a home-wrecker. Smile as you will in front of everyone, but all I’m saying is keep your secrets close. And be wary, because as they say, you’re only a picture away from fame. Just look at J66.

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