Coffee

We’ll begin with some kudos to Kaldi. The mythical shepherd in the Ethiopian Highlands who legend says is the man we have to thank for espressos, cappuccinos and the caffeinated will to live.

Away in Northeast Africa while tending to his flock, the keen herdsman noticed that his animals would eat from a particular tree and soon thereafter engage in goatish gambols that would last long into the night.

Trusting in human digestion as robust as random goats’, the gutsy goatherd ate the bright red berries containing dark brown beans and was soon as antsy as his animals.

Inquiring discusser of goats that he was, Kaldi was quick to report his findings to the abbot at the local monastery in circa 800AD. At first, distrusting of the berries and prone to high drama, the abbot flung them into a fire. And that’s when they started to smell – heavenly – much like the aroma able to coax us from darkest depths to this very day.

Suitably seduced by the smell, the monks raked the roasted beans out of the fire and placed them in water where they made a beany brew.

The result was a pleasant potion that kept the monks alert during innumerable hours of evening prayer and soon the elixir’s energising effects began to spread beyond the monastery and throughout the country.

With so much “Viva Vitality!” emanating from Ethiopia, the berries eventually gained fame at the Arabian Peninsula where the beans began a journey that would reach every inch of the globe.

Though this legend is picturesque and probably apocryphal, there is no question that coffee is an African original that has seeped into the daily lives of those prone to morning misery all over the world.

Served strong and hot, milky and cool or designer and divine, coffee is not only great for some get-up-and-go but also pretty good for humans on the whole. According to science.

If you’re lazy and also kind of dumb, coffee can improve your energy levels and make you smarter. This is because coffee contains a stimulant called caffeine which is absorbed into the bloodstream and then travels to the brain where it does things to enhance the firing of neurons.

So if you’re looking for an excuse to drink up, smile over your morning cup knowing that various human trials show that coffee improves aspects of brain function like memory, vigilance, mood and energy levels.

Fabulous fatties looking to lose weight can be just as stoked because caffeine – without all that sugary Starbucks spectacular – can boost the metabolic rate by up to 11%. Alas, effects diminish in long term coffee drinkers but if you’re looking for a boost during your diet, caffeine is your friend.

Caffeine can also improve physical performance and is handy in getting more out of your workout if consumed about half an hour before you hit the gym.

Another point for Team Coffee comes from its wealth of nutrients like Magnesium, Potassium, Manganese and Riboflavin. Additionally a friend to the lushes out there, coffee also helps protect your liver. Studies show that people who drink four or more cups per day have up to an 80% lower risk of developing cirrhosis.

Also, as anyone who wakes up wanting to start World War 3 will tell you alongside enough studies to indicate perturbing planetary obsession, coffee makes you happier, more productive and far less likely to lose your sh*t.

Post Script: Coffee’s original name, qahwah, comes from the Yemen term for wine.

Of course it does.

“Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break.”

– Earl Wilson (Tapz Munya)

“Life without coffee is like sleep.”

– Unknown (Ray Seefeldt)

“Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my coffee.”

– Rob Hoffman

“I haven’t had enough coffee yet to decipher your legalese.”

– Casper Erichsen

– Unknown (Subrat Gautam)

“The only skincare products this man needs is coffee and the desert wind.”

– Dominic Von Stösser