Hehehe, the thrill of retail therapy!
You walk into your favourite Windhoek clothing store, mesmerised by the carefully curated displays.
There, bathed in the warm glow of strategically placed lights, sits a pair of jeans – the epitome of denim chic.
They drape flawlessly on the perfectly sculpted mannequin, whispering promises of effortless style.
You envision yourself navigating the streets, being your cool self. So you buy it, get home and for some reason it does not look good on you.
You see, folks, things don’t quite translate the same way when you wear it, even if it looked beautiful on someone else. Or maybe your mirror just does not like you very much.
The jeans that looked like it could save your life, now look like a piece of discarded cloth hanging on a thorny tree.
The harsh reality of fluorescent lighting and strategically placed seams dawns on you. At this point, you want to return it, but you already threw away the receipt because you knew you would love the jeans.
It’s a Trap: How They Lure Us In
Listen, we’ve all been victims of the retail dazzle some call therapy.
Those stores are like elaborate honey traps, luring us in with perfectly proportioned mannequins and lighting that could rival a high-end film set.
The truth is that God made man but man made mannequins, and they are their most unrealistic invention.
To make the illusion more effective, they add ambience and magical lights to the display.
Next time you are in a store, look at those lights again and tell me if they look like normal bulbs from a supermarket. Those are actually special lights that enhance the carefully crafted illusion, I tell you!
The music in the ceiling speakers is also not by mistake – it was selected to make you lose your mind and spend your rent money.
Maybe consumer protection agencies should consider guidelines for mannequins to be more, well, relatable.
Because who exactly are they marketing to, Olympic gymnasts? Are we supposed to believe that the average human being can rock a crop top without looking like a deflated beach ball? Come on, folks!
The average Namibian doesn’t have a perfectly flat stomach like those mannequins.
I saw a video clip on social media the other day where a reasonable person explained, like a true African, that “we are not snakes; we do not slither on our stomachs and do not need flat bellies”. Capisce!
Those Jeans are Always Greener on Someone Else
Trust me, we’ve all been there.
We have all seen that show-stopping outfit gracing a total stranger. Suddenly, you’re convinced it will look even better on you and will be the key to unlocking the secrets of the universe (or at least a killer social media post). You buy the whole ensemble, only to discover it transforms you into a sorry fashion disaster.
How do they do it? How do these mythical beings make even the most outlandish clothes look effortless? Is it magic? Photoshop? Years of dedicated practice striking poses that minimise certain areas?
It is important to phrase these questions properly, because you are certainly not the problem.
Look, there’s no shame in admitting defeat, because fashion is a battlefield and sometimes you just have to raise the white flag and retreat.
The constant pressure of keeping up with the latest trends can send your stress levels soaring faster than a startled springbok.
Here’s the thing: most people, myself included, are perfectly content with a clean pair of pants and a decent quality shirt. Even if you handed me a blank check and a personal stylist, the end result would probably still resemble a natural disaster.
Fashion as a Social Ritual
Let’s be honest, humans are visual creatures.
Attraction is partly based on physical appearance, a fact as undeniable as the Namibian desert heat. But remember, looking good doesn’t have to mean looking like you stepped off a fashion magazine cover.
Confidence, like a good watch, is the ultimate accessory, and it can outshine even the most well put together celebrity out there.
The problem here is also that fashion can make ‘Psycho the Rapist’ look like a saint, or ‘Bloody Marry’ look like “the one you have been waiting for all your life”. Clothes will not make you a better human being.
The point is, looking good shouldn’t come at the expense of your sanity (or your ability to breathe comfortably).
Embrace Your Inner Fashion Maverick
So, ditch the pressure to conform.
Rock your mismatched socks and quirky graphic tees with pride.
The world needs more people who march to the beat of their own heart’s rhythms.
Remember, the most important thing is to feel comfortable and confident in your own skin, even if that skin is currently encased in a pair of jeans that resembles a sculpting device.
But don’t ever trust those mannequins in the clothing stores. They are not your friend!
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