Have All These Ministers ReallyFailed Us?

Have you ever wondered why every minister seems to fail in our eyes as Namibians?

We love to say they failed, but do we ever stop to ask why? Is it really possible that across multiple administrations, every single one of them has been hopelessly incompetent?

Or is failure simply part of the job description?

See, the truth doesn’t get attention anymore, so let’s rather treat it as satire.

Maybe it’s all about perspective. Perhaps these ministers don’t actually fail; they just succeed in ways we’re not meant to notice.

What if some are appointed specifically to breathe new life into old ghosts and to ensure the livelihoods of past comrades, long removed from the corridors of power.

Could it be that they come back to still get their share of the pie through lucrative government contracts?

Imagine a fisheries minister whose real job is to make sure a particular group of well-connected businessmen keeps getting their ‘kapandi’.

What happens when a minister suddenly develops a conscience, starts thinking independently, and annoys the wrong people?
Ah, that’s when things get interesting.

Every now and then, a so-called ‘straight and narrow’ minister appears – one who sets out to root out corruption, make things work and clean house. You know, that one who wants to make a real difference.

But before you can say “reform”, they’re either fired or quietly shuffled into irrelevance.

Sounds familiar? Do a few names pop into your head? If so, why do we pretend we don’t know that invisible hands are always at work? Or worse, are we pretending because we, too, have a stake in the dysfunction?

Don’t worry, I know you’re righteous … until hunger strikes.

Before we continue, please remember this is satire and none of this is to be taken as true.

This reminds me of a seemingly toxic relationship where everyone knows one is abusive and irresponsible but they’d never split.

The rest of the family asks why they don’t just divorce. So, if the rest of the family is not happy, the couple is, obviously, not happy, who exactly is so happy about this that they would do everything to keep it together?

Think about it. We don’t support domestic violence, but it’s the closest example I could come up with.

The point is, maybe the relationship was not meant to benefit the rest of you. Let’s assume the in-laws are the beneficiaries and will do everything to keep the abusive relationship going.

Does that make sense to you?

So, do our ministers really fail, or are they simply not meant to do anything progressive?

What if the real power lies with the executive directors of ungentlemanly affairs, those shadowy bureaucrats who keep the gates open for creatures that only feed in the night?

Because let’s be honest: there is no way every minister has been a failure for the last 30 years and ‘apparently’ there is no explanation.

They are supposedly just incompetent. Incompetent at what exactly if I may ask?

Sure, some appointments are genuinely useless.

You know the ones, so clueless that you can already predict their downfall before they even leave their driveway for the first day at the office.

But for the rest?

Here’s a thought: what if ministers are sometimes appointed not to serve the people but to protect some holy cows, to ensure that certain reports never see the light of day, that specific cases never gain traction, that the right skeletons remain locked in the right closets?

And if they succeed in this mission and they keep the wolves at bay for their benefactors, then have they really failed? Or have they, in fact, done precisely what they were hired to do?

Some are even appointed because they know too much. Denying them a position might push them to talk, and that simply won’t do.

Have you noticed how certain people, no matter how many times they’ve ‘retired’, always find themselves back in government? Or how younger politicians are carefully groomed and tested over the years to see if they can be trusted with secrets so toxic they could punch a hole through the ozone layer?

In African politics, the satiric Africa, success isn’t about service delivery.

It’s about how many secrets you can carry to the grave. Lose the ability to keep those secrets, and you don’t just get fired. You get disowned.

So, before we label them all failures, let’s take a moment to appreciate the other side of the coin.

Let’s talk about why Namibians, the satiric Namibians, refuse to accept this reality.

Let’s just jokingly say this whole thing is all imagined and then lay out the imagined facts and see if it make sense.

We’ll weave in humor, sharp wit and a conversational tone that makes it impossible to ignore. Because sometimes, the truth is best told as a joke.