Hit the Pause Button: Proposed Rules for the Mourning Period

Before you go all military on me, it is clear that Namibia’s love for its leaders is unquestionable, especially for the late founding father of the nation.

But I think this country needs to press the pause button and mourn properly.

So, let me tell you how I would have handled this matter if I was the president: I would order a halt on everything with an ‘Executive Order’, not just sport, but romance and happiness altogether. I hope the real president will read this and copy my ideas, at own risk of course.

Halt the Sports

When I read that sport is suspended indefinitely – since the end of the mourning period has not been announced yet – I knew we are on the right path. No dribbling, no kicking, no running – not even a casual game of amagoes. Everything has to be suspended until further notice, because nothing says respect quite like inactivity.

But why stop at sport? If we’re really going to do this, let’s do it properly. Let’s press pause on everything.

Freeze the Meals

Every day at exactly 13h13 all restaurants will have to stop serving food, mid-bite. Patrons would be politely asked to freeze, forks midway to their mouths, out of respect for the mourning period. The no-eating time will be announced every morning on NBC and can change randomly. Waiters would collect half-eaten plates, whispering apologies as they whisk away unfinished meals. After all, grief is best digested on an empty stomach.

Stop the Traffic

Traffic lights could be turned off at exactly 13h13 every day for the duration of the mourning period. A leader has fallen – can we not navigate intersections through the power of solemn respect? Drivers must take turns, guided by the spirit of the man who led them to independence.

After all, where are you going instead of staying at home or church?

Sanitise the Airwaves
All radio stations will be ordered to play only sombre tunes – the kind that makes you question every life choice you’ve ever made. They can play songs that make you really sad from artists like Blossom, Ees and Ndilimani.

And since we’re all about taking things up a notch, let’s mandate a ‘No Laughing’ policy in public spaces. Nothing ruins the sanctity of mourning like the sound of joy. All forms of happiness should be illegal in these times.

Patrolling the Virtual World

Social media influencers and content creators can for once act Namibian too.

No more dancing videos, no more comedy skits, and certainly no memes. For once, they’d have to exist without the validation of likes and shares. It would be a true test of character. Would they survive? Probably not. But that’s a sacrifice we’re willing to make for national unity.

Wait, I am not done yet.

Love can Wait

Valentine’s Day and all weddings planned before winter must be put on hold. You can marry each other in September. In fact, engagements should be discouraged altogether. This is no time for romance. Couples caught holding hands would be reminded that love can wait, but honouring a national hero cannot.

The Mourning Fashion Statement

In the name of solidarity, all Namibians – black and white – will wear black, not just to events but everywhere. At work, at home, even to bed. Tourists will understand – or they won’t, but that’s their problem. Let’s mandate a monochrome dress code and fine anyone caught in bright colours. And just to be thorough, let’s ban festive decorations. After all, nothing says mourning like a colourless, joyless world.

Everything Else

Let’s take it further and freeze the economy. Postpone salaries, delay rent payments and pause all financial transactions. Economic stability is overrated anyway.

There is more, but I have to end it here because even newspapers will have to reduce the number of pages to only sections dedicated to the nationally sanctioned mourning.

But before anyone gets the wrong idea, let’s set the record straight: Namibians loved their founding president.

They respected him, admired him and will mourn him deeply. They’ll light candles, share stories and honour his legacy in ways that are heartfelt and genuine.

With that in mind, I will now revert into my empty and dark skull and let Namibians show their true colors with interference.