Money, Status and Love

Being a man, many things have been engraved in our minds from an early age which shape what we think and how we think, often resulting in big egos and perhaps a sense of entitlement.

But lately things are changing and the world is undergoing a paradigm shift which for the most part sees women taking up roles in society that have previoulsy been viewed as being reserved for men only. With women taking the world by the balls, their statuses have changed, especially in relationships.

According to a Pew Research Centre’s (PRC) investigation of 2007, marriage has changed a lot in recent decades as women have stretched ahead of men in regard to education and earnings growth. Well, that was 10 years ago, but the situation is still pretty much the same.

“A larger share of men in 2007, compared with their 1970 counterparts, are married to women whose education and income exceed their own, according to a PRC’s analysis of demographic and economic trend data. A larger share of women are married to men with less education and income,” the PRC report stated.

The report also claimed that these trends have influenced gender roles. “From an economic perspective, these trends have contributed to a gender role reversal in the gains from marriage. In the past, when relatively few wives worked, marriage enhanced the economic status of women more than that of men. In recent decades, however, the economic gains associated with marriage have been greater for men than for women,” the report said.

Twenty-six-year-old engineering student at the Namibia University of Science and Technology (NUST), Lionell Uirab thinks the way money affects a man’s status in a relationship has a lot to with cultural structures – especially in African communities.

“Greatly. It (money) affects it greatly. Especially in black communities. Black men have a social obligation to provide for the family. To provide for his woman. This is the chauvinistic way,” he said.

Uirab went on to say that a man’s behaviour can be influenced by this mindset and everything he does revolves around his ability to provide financially for his partner. “Everything to do with showing affection and love then has to do with his ability to provide,” Uirab said adding that an inability to do this then affects his ego and so-called masculinity.

“Therefore if he cannot provide, this makes him less of a man in a relationship. Some women still expect men to provide for them, even though they are making their own money or are well educated,” he added.

Uirab further noted that if he was dating a woman who earned more than him, it would only affect him to a certain extent as it would also depend on her personality and reasoning. “If my girlfriend makes more money than me it will only affect me to a certain extent. It also depends on the type of woman I am with,” he said adding that a previous relationship of his was ended due to financial issues.

“One ex-girlfriend of mine dumped me shortly after I stopped making money. However, my current girlfriend is staying with me even though there are times when I have to pay tuition fees and have no money,” Uirab said, adding that his current girlfriend is a career driven and educated woman.

Anne Hambuda, a 23-year-old entertainment journalist, said that if she is with a man who makes more money than her, it wouldn’t make him more important than her. However, she also wouldn’t date someone who earns less than her. She explained that if she is going through hardships, her partner should be able to help her. “I wouldn’t date someone making less money than me. I can be broke by myself. There is no reason we should be broke together,” she said.

Zenhabits.net has compiled a list of steps to take financial stress out of a relationship:

Many couples often neglect this step, even if it seems obvious and common-sensical. But because talking about finances can be uncomfortable, they leave these important things unsaid, and often don’t even think about it individually.

Often financial issues are tied up in all kinds of emotional issues, stemming from childhood, from issues of security to feeling like your way is better to feeling hurt if your way of spending is criticised in any way, and much more. These emotional issues are all tangled together with financial issues, and it’s important that you untangle them and just deal with financial goals and habits.

This will take into account your joint income, your debt, your savings, how much you can put towards debt and/or saving each month, whether you want to cut back on certain things in order to meet your savings goals, how long you want to give yourself to meet financial goals, and so forth.

Someone will have to take responsibility for each part of the system (it’s better if you’re both involved, but you should find what works best for you as a couple). One person might go to the bank while the other updates your financial programme.

If one person takes responsibility for the finances, for example, and the other is out of the loop, then there will likely be problems down the road. To prevent problems like this, have a weekly meeting where you sit down and talk about finances.

Remember, you’re a team. You have the same goals and you want each other to be happy. Team members can help each other out and encourage each other, or they can rip the team apart by being negative, by blaming, by working against common goals.