Netflix, you can keep ‘Love Never Lies SA’

I have had some pretty trashy reality TV viewing experiences in my life, but nothing could ever have prepared me for the amount of nonsense contained inside the eight episodes and one reunion special I watched of the new South African dating show: ‘Love Never Lies’.

It is a new version of a popular American Netflix show, where six couples come on and are challenged to remain faithful to their partners and tell the truth as much as possible with the help of eye scanning, lie detecting technology. When I say “popular”, I, of course, mean among us unhinged people who can sit through pretty much any slop.

In this particular production, couples separate from their partners and are tempted to stray with hot single guests. Clips of their indiscretions are then shown to their partners for their reactions before getting their own chance to mingle and flirt.

Periodically, they are also asked hard questions about their relationships, like “have you lied to your partner about how many previous partners you’ve had?” or “do you use sex to avoid problems in your relationship?”

Telling the truth can earn them money for the pot, while lies mean they forfeit some of the possible prize money.

The winning couple this season triumphed over the others by telling the least amount of lies throughout the seven episodes, walking away with a sum of R720 000. But if I am to be honest, not a single one of those people really deserved it.

Netflix likes to do this thing where they try to gaslight us into believing they are running some sort of legitimate dating experiment, when in reality, they are just bringing 12 terrible people together, giving them alcohol, poolside vibes, gorgeous views and scenarios that will trigger them to act outlandish.

I’ve said it before, but reality TV dating shows are just trauma farms that package the tears of their cast and sell them to us with dramatic music and fancy set dressing.

Normally I am able to suspend my disbelief long enough to be fooled by the romantic gestures, the poetry reading, the cute dates and the grand declarations, but this had none of that.

The reason I can sit through the arguments, bitterness and tears of ‘Love is Blind’ is because – to a degree – it is masked by the heartfelt moments.

‘Love Never Lies SA’ is just six couples who should definitely not be together.

The first pair is made up of a cheater and a (no offense) doormat, the second is someone who won’t sleep with their partner and another doormat, the third is a young couple with deep contempt for each other, the fourth has one polygamous person and one monogamous person each trying to control the other, the fifth both hate each other passionately and the sixth has an emotionally abusive dynamic.

I consider myself to be a massive fan of these shows, but I even have limits, guys.

On the positive side, I must commend South African media personality and host Minnie Dlamini for keeping a straight face throughout all the nonsense. Some of the choices made by contestants were so stupid, I don’t think I could have done the same.

I’ve honestly never understood how people can come onto a television set and then lose all common sense. How are you not aware that the cameras are literally filming you cheating or lying? It makes me wonder whether some of these relationships are actually real.

Perhaps in the quest to deliver drama, Netflix overplayed its hand and underestimated how much we care about seeing actual wholesome moments.

Because of these many missteps, the viewing experience was lacklustre and the reunion was pointless because it doesn’t matter to me whether any of those relationships are still ‘thriving’.

• Anne Hambuda is a poet, writer, and social commentator. Follow her online or email her at annehambuda@gmail.com for more.