Oh Bearded Man

Hey there bearded, moustached man, Anne here. It is the middle of November and I see some of you honouring the month of facial hair and all things manly. I want to take a moment to mention that I love and appreciate you and I hope you are taking care of and cleaning your furry friend.

The reason we appreciate the ruggedness of the lumberjack looking brother with a – hopefully clean – long and flourishing beard is the manliness it gives you.

We love your muscles and how tall you are and how good it can sometimes feel to be our inner little girls and the damsels in distress we dream get saved by a hunk of a man.

I mean, how will you sweep us off our feet if you do not possess the strength to grab us? That is what we, or at least I, see in facial hair.

So here are nine reasons I love beards and the gentlemen who rock them so well – long or short:

1. Say what you will about them, but bold rugged beards just scream ‘testosterone!’ and ‘I can father your babies!’ Because they are a sign of sexual maturity and virility and at a primal level that is what we are really after.

2. They are prickly and ticklish but when they’re properly taken care of they are like soft lush cushions for our hands and face and any other part of us they come into contact with.

3. Men probably hate this, but beards are fun to yank and stroke and play with. On a bored Saturday on the couch there is nothing better than braiding your bae’s beard and torturing him with how many ways you can ‘style’ it.

4. Yes, there is an actual word for being attracted to men who look like lumberjacks. And why the hell not? If he looks like he can chop some wood and build a fire from scratch, then he’s definitely the person you need in your life.

5. A man that you’ve never seen without his beard is quite the mystery if you ask me. What does his face actually look like, you wonder? You might never know and that’s kinda cool if you ask me.

6. If he can grow a beard, he sure as hell is patient enough to handle much more. Beards, ones that aren’t patchy and lame, take time to grow to a certain level of awesomeness. If he is willing to wait, through it all, then bravo to him.

7. He is not a quitter. As well as being a patient soul, a man with a beard is someone who does not quit when the going gets tough and the beard becomes a hassle or burden. Whether they tire of the constant poking and prodding or just don’t want to have to keep maintaining, cleaning and combing it, they persevere. That’s hot.

8. There’s a song about this I think. With a bearded man in a fancy suit and a cane. They are elegant and just tell you that you are dealing with a gentleman.

9. If someone can grow a beard, they should. I mean, why the hell not?

– @MissAnneDastood on Twitter