I was once called a “cold-hearted b*tch” in high school.
The deliverer of those choice words? One of my best friends at the time.
The reason? Well, aside from me possibly (cough, cough… probably) doing things to deserve the title (I’ll be the first to admit, I was quite the *sshole back then), the one thing my friends just couldn’t handle about me was my ability to cut people off.
I’d take and take and take until I didn’t just take any more and then it was a wrap.
No amount of apologies or reparations could fix a friendship or relationship once I decided to close the door.
I’m still like that.
I can take a lot from people and I can be very understanding, but once I’ve been hurt or wronged too many times, I shut down.
I suppose it’s been a coping mechanism. Shut people out before they hurt me again. Keep them at arm’s length. Don’t let them get close enough. Not again.
Last Monday I found myself in a similar situation.
But instead of me being the one doing the cutting, someone I considered a friend told me they were done with me.
At first, I was pissed!
Someone I put time and effort into was about to turn their back on me, just like that?
(Talk about life’s little ironies…)
I’ll be honest. As nonchalant as I tried to be about it, it hurt.
It stung like a motherf*cker and I was left with a bruised ego and, well, a hurt heart.
It hurt not only because it was a knock to my ego, but because someone I care about was effectively giving up on me.
Sounds like karma, doesn’t it?
“What goes around comes around” and all that ‘life’s gonna get ya’ sh*t.
But the more I think about it, the more I realise that maybe it’s not that the universe is out to get me.
Maybe it’s not that I’m a terrible person and that my chickens have come home to roost.
Maybe it’s just that… You can’t fight for someone who doesn’t want to be fought for. And you can’t hold onto something that doesn’t want to be held.
The moment anyone comes to a point where they’d rather not speak to you at all than be your friend, it might be time to take stock of some things.
Maybe it’s you. Maybe you’re a sh*tty person. Maybe there are some sh*tty things about your personality and maybe you should work on that.
Maybe it’s them.
Or maybe it’s the situation. Maybe you were trying to make something out of nothing and this is the universe’s way of letting you know that this, this right here, isn’t meant for you.
Whatever you want to chalk it up to, however you handle it, I hope you learn something from it.
Learn something, better yourself and keep it moving.
Whatever you do, keep it moving.
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