‘We saw it coming’

The family and neighbours of a man who allegedly stabbed his girlfriend, Selestine Shilongo, to death last week Monday in Windhoek’s Hakahana informal settlement, say they saw it coming.

“The two would fight almost everyday and being their neighbour for nine years now, I noticed they would fight more when they were drunk,” says Rosalia Ephraim.

The incident, was then confirmed by Khomas police spokesperson Silas Shipandeni, who said the arrested 41-year-old suspect allegedly stabbed his girlfriend three times in the back with a kitchen knife.

Shipandeni says Shilongo lost her life due to the injuries sustained and was pronounced dead by paramedics.

He also confirmed that the couple’s relationship had been riddled with violence.

Ephraim says she was at work when the alleged incident occurred.

She says although very painful to hear, neighbours were used to the violence but hoped the couple would manage to sort things out like they always did.

“When I knocked off work, I was informed that the suspect stabbed his girlfriend,” she says.

A saddened Ephraim recounted the days she witnessed the couple following each other to physically fight.

“They would sometimes lock their home so that nobody interferes but unfortunately we all heard what was happening,” she says.

The couple’s fights were reported to the police many times and Shilongo was often chased out of the house by the suspect “but for some reason they would always find a way back to each other”, she says.

Ephriam says she is traumatised and wishes she had better advised the couple.

“At times I would really want to advise them but I am way younger than them, I just didn’t have the confidence,” she says.

According to a family member of the suspect, who prefers to remain anonymous because of the sensitivity of the matter, the two were embroiled in an extremely unhealthy relationship.

She says they would fight over any and everything.

“So many times we have spoken to both the suspect and deceased but the violence never stopped. They would fight over the simplest things but you will still see them together the following day. We are truly hurt and left with a hole in our hearts, I wish there was something I could have done to prevent all of that from happening,” she says.

Clinical psychologist Shaun Whittaker says an intimate relationship should be a safe and secure place but when there is physical violence, people can suffer from constant fear, nightmares and flashbacks.

He says physical abuse can be very traumatising and anxiety provoking.

“People tend to underestimate the gravity of physical violence in a relationship and sometimes this can be based on the patriarchal idea that the man is the head of the house and women are supposed to be submissive. It is almost as if women are the property of men, and it leads to this extreme narcissism among men, and that is very often the source of the physical violence,” he says.

Whittaker says once physical violence has occurred a couple of times, it will most likely become a pattern and something must then be done to address the aggression.

“It does not make sense to stay in a violent relationship rather walk away and save yourself,” he says.