When your best friend becomes your boss: Navigating the tricky transition

With a steaming cup of coffee in hand, the chatter of office gossip feels familiar and comforting. Engaging in light-hearted banter with your work ‘bestie’ helps to alleviate the everyday grind. But what happens when the playful rumblings of your friendship are abruptly transformed into the formalities of a leadership meeting?

When your best friend moves into a managerial role, emotions can run high, from pride and uncertainty to unexpected jealousy.

Talent & culture strategist, leadership & human resources (HR) expert and executive coach, Anja van Beek, shares tips on how to navigate this transition.

Accept that things will change

Understandably, the instinct may be to cling to the past dynamic you shared. However, it’s essential to recognise that your friend’s promotion ushers in a different era, characterised by new responsibilities and pressures.

They will likely need to establish a professional distance to lead effectively. Embrace this shift rather than resist it. Maintaining professionalism at work while nurturing your friendship outside the office can create a fulfilling balance.

Reset expectations and boundaries

Initiate a dialogue if your newly minted manager doesn’t address this change directly. A heartfelt suggestion such as, “I know this is a shift for both of us. I want to make sure we navigate it in a way that works well for you and the team,” establishes an open line of communication. Clearly express your commitment to the team’s success while also addressing any discomfort you may feel, especially if their behaviour seems unprofessional or overly familiar.

No favourites, just fairness

One common pitfall is assuming that your old friendship will lead to favouritism in workplace scenarios. Resist expecting leniency concerning deadlines or project selection. Your friend-turned-manager likely wishes to prove their fairness and impartiality. To avoid putting them in a difficult position, refrain from sharing workplace grievances, reserving such conversations for personal settings.

Support their success

It is important to recognise the challenges your friend faces stepping into leadership, especially when managing former peers. The transition may invoke feelings of imposter syndrome and added pressure. Offer your support as an ally rather than a critic. Help your friend navigate through tough patches with patience, facilitating an environment conducive to their growth as a leader.

Don’t be a “yes person”

In the new managerial landscape, many look for affirmation rather than constructive feedback. Instead, commit to offering honest and respectful insights when needed. This commitment to transparency will bolster mutual trust and distinguish you as a valuable team player, fostering a healthy professional environment.

If there’s tension, address it early

If old rivalries or tensions surface due to the promotion, don’t hesitate to address them early on. Approach your friend honestly and discuss how to foster effective collaboration moving forward. If needed, seek the guidance of HR or a mentor to ensure the transition remains professional and amicable.

Ultimately, leadership changes are an unavoidable aspect of professional life. How you manage this transition will not only determine your relationship with your new manager but will also play a significant role in your own career trajectory. Embrace the upheaval with maturity and adaptability, paving the way for a dynamic that is beneficial in the long run for both of you. – IOL