When Zebras Outsmart Humans: A Satirical Look at the UK Anti-Immigration Protests

Have you heard the excuses given by British people during the recent anti-immigration protests in the United Kingdom?

One moment, a protester is lamenting the fact that immigrants are stealing their jobs. The next, someone’s proudly proclaiming their criminal record as a valid excuse for unemployment.

I’m starting to think we should reconsider our entire species if that’s the best argument out there.

This whole thing is starting to sound like a real-life comedy sketch where the punchlines just keep getting worse.

It feels like a bizarre international choir rehearsal gone wrong. Imagine a conductor insisting everyone belt out the same tune, but each singer uses their native tongue! It’s a cacophony of accents and melodies, all aiming for a supposed harmony that never quite arrives.

Some folks might say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but if this is the best humanity can muster, we’re setting a pretty low bar for the animal kingdom.

It’s almost like our politicians have traded suits for scripts and the protesters are just reciting lines with all the enthusiasm of a bored teenager at a school play. Where’s the passion? Where’s the truth?

This tired script needs a serious rewrite — I imagine the writers’ room brainstorming session went something like this:

Writer 1: “Okay, so we need to come up with some really compelling reasons why people are upset about immigration.”

Writer 2: “How about ‘They’re taking our jobs’?”

Writer 3: (rolls eyes) “Been there, done that. We need something original.”

Writer 4: “I’ve got it! ‘They’re coming here to take our women’!”

Writer 5: (facepalm) “You’re kidding, right?”

It’s a comedy goldmine, really. But while we’re laughing, let’s not forget the serious underlying issues of these protests. There are genuine concerns about integration, the job market and the strain on public services.

These are valid points that need to be addressed with thoughtful policies and open dialogue.

The solution is most definitely not joining a protest to loot and walk away with a box of Stella Artois, calling it “taking back our country”.

However, when the conversation descends into blaming immigrants for all the world’s problems, it’s time to call a timeout.

It’s like blaming zebras for the drought. Sure, they’re there, but they’re not the cause. The real issue is climate change, and pointing fingers at zebras is just a distraction.

Speaking of zebras, they actually handle immigration quite well.

When a new herd joins, there’s a brief period of adjustment in Great Etosha, or another jungle like Great Britain. Some of the old zebras might grumble about the new arrivals eating all the grass, but they eventually figure it out. They find new grazing spots, or they learn to share. There’s no talk of building zebra walls or deporting stripes.

Fine, let me be more specific.

You cannot remove some stripes because then it is not a zebra anymore. This zebra earned the stripes by taking them, bartering and making the other animals fight each other for the colours until they all landed on the zebra. Actually, if there is an animal that needs the stripes in this changing jungle, it is the zebra.

So, to the protesters, I say this: Let’s try to be a little more zebra-like. Let’s focus on finding solutions that benefit everyone, instead of resorting to fear and prejudice; everybody involved has too much to lose. And for goodness’ sake, let’s come up with some better excuses for not finding jobs.

And to our immigrant friends, we understand that sometimes we cause your problems and other times you simply take a leap of faith, leaving behind everything familiar to chase dreams and opportunities. We all do this, but we are called different names, such as tourists, expatriates, experts, and so on. It’s a brave and admirable movement.

Don’t forget, laws and building bridges, not walls, are key here.

Always remember the saying that “your success is our success”, so let’s make this journey a win-win for everyone. Besides, this zebra needs all the colours to be a zebra or it will lose its place in the animal kingdom.

Disclaimer: Zebras are fictional characters used for illustrative purposes only. Any resemblance to actual zebras is purely coincidental.