Wildlife to Save Namibians? 

Earlier this year, we witnessed first-hand how the government struggled to feed a small group of people at a national celebration.

A number of buffalo were slaughtered to feed people at a stadium and the distribution process was a huge mess.

Now, we’re being asked to believe they can successfully distribute meat from over 170 culled animals to over a million Namibians affected by drought. I am not complaining, I am scared.

The problem with thinking outside the box is that the idea still needs to come back inside to work. Otherwise, the whole thing will go off the rails like a runaway train and you’ll wish you never left the box.

Oh, in case you have not read it yet, the government has decided to cull some of our furry friends, not for a national barbeque, but as a strategic move to save both humans and animals.

It’s a real-life ‘survival games’ approach, but with a twist: We’re the ones deciding who survives.

You see, our wildlife is also hit by the same drought – just like human crop fields and domestic animals.

From what I understand, the wildlife has been munching on everything in sight, leaving our poor grazing lands looking like a post-apocalyptic wasteland.

This is bad for both humans and animals, as we all feed off these dry hills and riverbeds.

So, the government has decided to reduce the wildlife population and give the remaining animals a better chance to thrive. It’s like giving your houseplants a haircut so they can grow healthier. You get it?

Of course, some people are already running petitions online over this decision.

They forget that game meat has always been served in Namibia and that now it will for once be served to the original zookeepers, the hungry citizens.

Let’s be honest, we’ve all had to make tough choices in our lives. And in this case, the choice is between a bunch of animals and a bunch of humans. It’s a no-brainer, really.

Okay, let’s pretend that the government has run the numbers and the wildlife population is still safe and we can all have a good steak and replenish the numbers when it rains again.

No, really, let’s pretend because none of us will openly ask if this is only an electioneering move.

Now, let’s talk about the elephant in the abattoir.

The government has promised to distribute the meat to those in need, which is a noble gesture deserving of votes.

After all, who doesn’t love a good steak?

But let’s not forget that this is a serious national matter and not just a national barbeque festival.

This is a strategic decision to ensure the survival of our species. So, let’s approach it with the gravity it deserves.

Since someone, kamma, thought out of the box, there are questions back inside the box, such as: Will this Meatco that can’t even slaughter enough cows per day process an elephant through its abattoir without losing themselves in its intestines?

Will the fresh meat be delivered to remote Namibians on time before it goes bad, or will Meatco make dried meat packs like biltong (eedhingu)?

Or will they make those canned meat thingies they distributed during the last drought?

Since this government is already failing to deliver animal fodder and grass bales with trucks to Khorixas on time, which food trucks will be used to deliver the meat to the village of Naingopo in Kavango?

Since we have already lost tonnes of drought-relief food to theft in warehouses, will COPS 94.1 accompany all the delivery trucks to ensure everything is documented and posted on YouTube?

Will the government employ real project managers, logistics facilitators and skilled people to assist the salary-collecting bins in those hallways to ensure quality and efficiency?

Whoever was given a pat on the shoulder for supposedly thinking out of the box must please go back into the box, because the box exists for a reason.

And while we’re at it, let’s make a commitment to preserve the remaining wildlife.

Now that we know we need the animals not only to serve game steak to tourists at the lodges, but to save everyday lives, will this country recommit to wildlife preservation for real?

This way we can eat them again when the recurring droughts come around as usual.

But this all looks more like a temporary measure. My Sub B mathematics calculations show that each of the identified Namibians will probably only get one kilogramme, and that will be consumed in one day.

Or they will probably only get the soup bones, and the proper steaks will be stacked in some governor’s deep freeze.

That leaves us with the question: What will we cull next?

Will we move on to seagulls, seals or half the bird population that roams around Von Bach Dam?

By the way, do we have fish in the Neckartal Dam we can feed to the people, or is that still just a presidential swimming pool that could not fit at State House in the capital?

Anyway, there is probably no way to stop this and have it done efficiently, since it is election year, but let’s all pray for a successful project.

After all, who doesn’t love a good comeback story?